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Disease is both malignant and painful

By Mick Conway
Addictions
 
       Jack was a gifted athlete.  His natural ability was enhanced by an attitude of dedication, so hard work and self-discipline became an integral part of his life.
  
   Football was his sport.  Throughout junior high and high school, Jack demonstrated unusual perseverance in his quest to develop his God-given talent.  Years of hard work in weight rooms, running programs and summer sports camps helped Jack realize his dream of earning an athletic scholarship to play college football.
  
   Jack's parents recognized his athletic aptitude early in his life.  They provided opportunities for him to attain his dream through motivational support and encouragement, gifts that helped him grow in confidence and skill.
  
   Jack was the family hero.  His athletic accomplishments completely dominated the family's interests, for their pride and hopes for his future were all-consuming.  His super-star status also took the focus off a family problem that had become increasingly difficult - his dad's alcoholism.
  
   The family scenario went like this:  dad's drinking caused him to be overly gregarious and his behavior frequently embarrassed family members.  Football games were prime settings for him to loudly criticize the officials, the coaches and the opposing team.  In one instance, he was evicted from the football stadium beause he ran onto the field and demanded the re-call of a penalty.
  
   Mom appeared to weather these bouts in good humor.  She remained cheerful and supportive of her husband in public and would not allow any criticism of him by family or friends.  She accompanied him to parties and bars, rarely drinking alcohol but keeping a close eye on him so he wouldn't become too intoxicated.
    
She jokingly referred to herself as the designated driver, a role she performed with regularity.  Mom's inner feelings, however, were quite different.  She was boiling with anger and resentment.  Her entire life was built around covering-up for her drunken husband and making excuses for his inappropriate behavior.

     Jack's younger sister was having problems of her own.  Her school work was poor, her teachers complained because she was disruptive in class and she was rebellious at home.  The negative attention she elicited only reinforced her low self-esteem, setting the stage for continuing trouble.  She became the family scapegoat, enduring the wrath heaped upon her with resignation and anger.

     How did Jack hold up under the family stresses?  He attempted to out-run his pain through achievement.  His whole life became an exercise in building structure and stability for himself through athletics.  As the eldest child, he learned what was required of him at an early age.  Be dependable, self-reliant, organized and a good student.  Those characteristics would bring favor from parents and adults and his athletic success would provide self-esteem in great quantities. His dad's drinking was a factor in his life but striving to achieve kept him sufficiently occupied that he didn't have to deal with his feelings.  Most of the time.

     On occasion, however, Jack's feelings got a bit out of hand.  Like the time his dad arrived at a high school dance in an intoxicated state and demanded that Jack go home so he wouldn't break training rules by staying out late.  Jack went home all right.  Such was his fury that he threw all his athletic trophies through his bedroom window.

  Or the time his mother tearfully recruited his help in getting his dad home from a bar after he had fallen while attempting to get to a restroom.  He couldn't make it to the restroom and had urinated and defecated on himself in the effort.  Jack retrieved his dad, took him home and vented his rage through beating him nearly senseless.

     Once, during Jack's senior year when he was captain of his football team, he was leading his teammates in the traditional prayer before taking the field.  Included in his private prayer was a plea that his father would not make a fool of himself on this particular night at the ball game.  He found himself fighting back tears as he tried in vain to control his feelings of shame about his father's drinking.

     Alcoholism.  The family disease.  Dad's addiction to alcohol.  Mom's co-dependency in the extreme.  Sister's slide into the abyss of self-neglect.  Jack's explosive anger and subsequent violence.  Alcoholism doesn't happen to just one person.  It touches everyone within touching distance.  It's malignant and it's painful.  It's the disease known as alcoholism.