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The grief process

By Mick Conway
Addictions

 
            Chemical dependency characteristically produces changes in the lives of everyone it touches.  That's why we refer to it as a family disease.
           
            The alcoholic/addict primarily must face dealing with their disease in an up-front and personal way.  It is happening to that person, much the same as any other disease.
 
            Secondarily, he or she must also deal with the fall-out of behaviors that occur during drinking or drug-using episodes.  Much unhappiness is caused by things that are said and done while someone is under the influence of either alcohol or drugs.
 
            Family members often feel great loss when they find themselves in the middle of this situation.  Anger, resentments and fear are but a few of the emotions raging in those close to the disease of alcoholism.  Marriages can and do fall apart under the intensity of this disease for it is relentlessly damaging.
 
            Even grief is an emotion that commonly occurs in alcoholic homes.  Loss of the intimacy and trust of marriage partners can cause grieving to occur.  What once was, no longer is.
 
            Psychologists have this to say about grieving:  Any time you encounter a life transition, whether it's death or another kind of serious loss, you have the opportunity to come out stronger if you embrace the process.  The grief process naturally stimulates the development of emotional coping skills and a new awareness of life's priorities.  It has the potential to make you stronger.
 
            Coping with loss is never easy but sometimes it does bring about positive changes.  Self-confidence is always a bi-product of growth for learning to go on when going on seems impossible makes us strong and hopeful.
 
            Feeling God's presence in our lives is essential to "embracing the process."  We simply could not find the courage to face the pain of grief and loss without the clear knowledge that God is with us at all times.
 
            New beginnings for alcoholics and their families happen every day.  Damage can be repaired and lives can be saved but only with a committed effort on the part of everyone involved.
 
            Here are three choices:
            1 - Seek help from someone knowledgeable about the condition of alcoholism.  That help can come from an AA member or from a treatment professional.  In either case, it's just a phone call away.
            2 - Deny that something serious is going on and hope that a miracle will happen to change it.
            3 - Surrender totally to the inevitable destruction that the disease will cause.
 
           The first choice is the only sensible and realistic answer to the problem.  Inertia and surrender will not solve anything.