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By Jerry Eaton, LMSW
Executive Director
Catholic Charities

Every January as I think about the Supreme Court decision allowing legalized abortions I remember two things. We may not be able to change the world but sometimes you can make a small difference. Many years ago now a former client called me to ask if he could bring his wife and step daughter in to see me because his wife was going to take her daughter to Omaha to get an abortion the next day.

I offered to see them and they came in and we went through all of the struggles that made abortion seem like a viable option. We built an alternative solution that honored the life of pregnant young girl, the unborn child, the mother of the pregnant young girl and the step father. It was difficult and there were a lot of tears, but the main thing I remember about the whole process was that it wasn’t about the issue of abortion – it was about recognizing that no pregnant female wants to get an abortion.

 It simply isn’t within the heart of human beings to want to end the life of their child and once we all recognized this fact in our session in my office, it became about how they could work through all the obstacles that seemed to make an abortion an option. There are many difficulties, and difficult decisions, for a young girl to make in this process and as we all know not everyone in society is necessarily kind to an unwed pregnant young girl.

 Part of the ache that she felt was that her future was changing but the young boy had simply moved on and she couldn’t – her life was changed forever. She was learning just how differently males are treated than females when it comes to sexual activity, even in our open and modern society. All of the tough decisions and consequences were hers and there was no way to just walk away from it. He could accept responsibility and have it change his life as well, but he could also just walk away from it all, and he had. He had that option and she didn’t. Even if he provided child support the responsibility to actually raise the child was hers.

 Long story short, she decided to have the child and raise the child and that child has graduated from high school and is in college. The father of the child wasn’t involved and getting him to pay child support was always a struggle. The young mom had the support of a loving family and though there were many struggles she also completed college, married and raised a family with a man that did adopt her first child – there are good men out there.

When I focus on abortion as something that no woman ever wants to have happen it becomes clear to me that we need to focus more on the reality of where we place the responsibility for saying no and for making mature choices about our sexual activities.

 I believe there is more responsibility placed on a young girl, as young as 12 or 13, than is placed on a male of any age to control their sexual activity. Sexual activity is often something a man of any age is seeking. It is an opportunity to take advantage of more than a responsibility to control. Not that most men don’t mature enough to be able to say no, but the pressure to mature just isn’t as strong for men as it is for women.

For a female of any age she is suppose to control her attraction, her opportunities, and it is her responsibility to maturely and wisely make control decisions about sexual activity for both herself and the male. And, if she errs, it is her fault and her consequence much, much more than his, especially if he is the same age.

 Women do seem to be more responsible and mature at a younger age and when you look at what is expected of the females as compared to males when it comes to sexual activity; it isn’t hard to understand that they have to mature earlier. Remember females also go through adolescence, have their hormones “kick in” and experience the same level of attraction as males do, yet they have to develop maturity a male can go years without even thinking about.

The two things I think of each January are: 1) no female “wants” to have an abortion; 2) Sexual conquests are something males are allowed to be “proud of” in front of his male friends for many years, well past adolescence. Mature sexual responsibility for males comes more after marriage than before, while for females it comes the moment she becomes sexually attractive to a male.